Successful

i love, love this word of the day! ease myself into this idea, while i slowly sip my “morning” (it’s 12pm) cup of coffee.

i think a lot about what it means to be successful, because i feel like there are a lot of definitions out there and some of them really suck for a person like me who doesn’t make a lot of money. i don’t even make a living wage. but that does an incredible injustice to what i have been working at since i was 16.

i work with the elderly, a group that is very often despised and denigrated in American culture. so everyday i am up against this unspoken ageism constantly portrayed in pop culture, media, and ingrained in our psyches. it’s so hard to age because everyone is taught not to do it. even though it happens the second you are conceived. we’ve set ourselves up to fail and are missing what is really wonderful about aging, like increased knowledge, skill, creativity, life experience, wisdom, reassurance, etc.

anyhow, that’s a whole tangent because what i do is not measured by the full value it entails i cannot use traditional definitions of success to measure what i have accomplished in my life. and maybe that’s a woman thing. i don’t know. it would make sense that women would use a different definition of success for their lives because so much of what we do, is 1) for others and 2)we do not get monetary compensation for it. so does that mean we’re less successful? i don’t think so.

also, it probably doesn’t have to even be on this continuum of more or less successful, just different “successfulnesses”. LOL! sometimes it’s easier to recognize that success that is loud and public and acknowledged, but i don’t think that’s a better success, just a more noticeable one. and maybe i’m saying that because i do make such a low wage compared to a lot of people, but then again it’s all perspective, because i make a lot compared to others. but that’s when i start to lose though when i make all the comparisons. it’s just a waste of energy because i can’t be anyone else, and i don’t really want to anymore. i’m realizing, like i knew before that it’s nice to be me. it’s slowly coming back to me. does anyone else have this problem? where you have to slowly get back to wanting to be who you were in the first place?

i can’t measure success by money because from my experience that just takes too much from a person, too much of your soul goes into that idea, which in the end only leaves you wanting more. i’m letting go of that notion of success as how much you earn in money.

i see money as a tool but not as a goal. i’m starting to redefine goals of success for myself and how i live in this world. what if success could be having hope? or feeding your people a good meal? or letting someone talk with you and just…listen?

what if success is all the things that aren’t tangible but do leave that feeling inside of me that i did that part right.

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