Temporary

 

it is very easy to forget that there are such few things that last. and for me, it’s easy to let that happen because i don’t like being reminded that death is coming for us all. i think maybe i realized a little late in life that i would eventually die. i think i really started worrying about that in my late twenties. i can remember sitting on my air mattress in one of my apartments and it suddenly hit me that existential crisis we all have to face once we’re done denying it, “i am going to die, so what have i been doing with my life this whole time?!”. after that panic was gone i was able to pour myself a glass of wine and realize it wasn’t all that bad.

but the temporal nature of so many things in this life really strikes a chord with me. it’s simultaneously too easy and yet impossible to dismiss thinking about. and even though i know moments are temporary i still spend too much time rushing through them to get to the next one which is not guaranteed. i am having to re-learn how to savor; time, people, experiences, flavors, sounds, etc. and even with all this savoring there’s got to be more to it as well.

the upside of all this temporariness is somewhat of a consolation when things are not going well. but only somewhat since it’s hard to dissociate from the situations i find myself in at times. when i’m wrapped up in it i find it hard to see things from a different perspective. i have to remind myself “to hold until relieved” which is one of the most profound lines i’ve ever heard from a movie. it’s a powerful reminder that i’m not alone. maybe we spend too much time isolating ourselves when things go wrong out of fear of what people will see in us during those times. but i’m learning that it can help to show my struggles to people if it helps someone else realize they’re not alone.

Romans 8:38-39

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