Survive

when i think of survival i think of endurance and of choice-i.e. choosing to get up, choosing to participate in life while i am still alive. maybe this means more to me because i work through depression and anxiety and soft bi-polar (i’ve actually never said that before to people outside my close family and friends) on a constant basis. i can empathize with the feeling of while we didn’t choose to be given life there are very important choices we can make to continue living it. and hopefully it’s not just a survival but something more than that-tho to survive is an incredible thing.

it’s very easy for me, right now as i am between employment, to get so wrapped up in worry and what-ifs and not recognize i am loved, i am taken care of. and i keep coming back to the idea that there is more to life than money and paying bills. tho that’s not easy to see when i have bills to pay and no work. but not working right now has helped me in reconnecting with things i actually like doing and i think i want my next job to be something i actually want to do. LOL!

i don’t want my occupation to be because i need to survive, i want it to be enjoyable and a calling. maybe my expectations are too high-actually they are. i was reading somewhere that having expectations is looking at life the wrong way. it was from the book “The Shack” which was a wonderful re-education for me about who God is. such a different perspective from mainline Christianity which seems to really not get it-but of course that is a generalization.

getting back to survival- i can honestly say that i admire that tenacity and mental fortitude in individuals who have gone through so much in their lives and still choose to be joyful for the blessing of being alive. i notice in myself that i can be oppressed easily by seeming obstacles in my life and though “comparison is the thief of joy”, i would like to continue to learn to endure and not just that but to be joyful.

James 1:3

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