bundles of emotions today as i try and apply for a job and switch to a new phone plan. things that wouldn’t faze someone else really become the mt. everest of the day for me. it’s been high drama for me. HAHAHA! getting too excited after placing my order to now be stuck in the wondering phase of whether or not the number will transfer in the meantime, in the limbo. i really dislike that feeling of utter helplessness in the face of just having to wait. i cannot control time or how it passes. only what i do in the meantime. as i wait, for two days. it would be ironic to have not gotten the order in on time to get it before the weekend. ah 1st world problems. so ridiculous yet simultaneously nearly impossible to disconnect myself from, to compartmentalize, or really just get a perspective and notice what’s really important.

i wonder if this was subconscious self-sabotage because now i have to wait until i get my new phone before i can apply to more jobs so that they are able to reach me. interesting…i am definitely afraid of rejections. i was reading once that rejection is interpreted by the body in the same way that pain is. it does hurt. and here i was the whole day getting so annoyed with my poor mom about having to stop in the middle of filling out all the online forms for this dumb phone that i already hate and only decided to get to try and save more money with the lower monthly plan. she is patient with me. smh.

i can only laugh at this whole situation because it’s so ridiculous how wrapped up i can get in something of so little consequence. and also at the procrastination of it all because i’m afraid to get back into the working world. it’s hard to start over again. and it’s hard not to. i guess this was supposed to be about friends. friends are cool.

friends help me keep the balance in my life. i have my head in the clouds nearly all the time and friends bring me down to earth, the reassure me what reality is. i like the steadiness of friendship, the constancy. friends are a wonderful thing to know. and i’m so thankful for them. and when stuff like this gets spun out of control in my mind it’s nice to have friends to laugh about it with.