Uniform

this is one of those things that i always stumble into and then question whether or not i should continue to pursue…the uniformity of daily routine. although, technically each day is never really the same blah, blah, blah-every moment is different and what not. try telling that to someone who feels like they’re constantly in deja vu. although, at one point i did read that was a brain disorder to always be feeling that way. and anyhow i exaggerate. i don’t feel deja vu nearly as often as i used to when i was younger. maybe i grew out of it? or out of touch with it which would be sadder (more sad? idk).

i can in some ways appreciate the uniformity of days coming and going during certain times in my life where i need that stability but i think that misses the point entirely because it makes me question where i find my security, where do i find my safety, my peace? there’s something punishing in forcing stability out of a situation that is inherently unstable.

i can understand the need to find safety in not standing out like a sore thumb, but sometimes that can be very defeating to not be able to pursue the path you’ve been called to follow. maybe, like most things it has it’s time and place just as long as it’s not ALL the time in EVERY place. there’s comfort and then there’s being too comfortable that you slowly start to decay, in body and in mind because you’re not being challenged enough to out grow the current experience and space.

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