Triumph

i want to get here. i tend to see triumph as a place more than anything else. a place that i don’t often reach because i’m too much of a perfectionist [in some things HAHA! spelling and grammar are not one of those things. :)]. i think that’s why it takes me so long to say something or introduce myself to a stranger or even to go outside for a walk. the fear of who may be watching and thus judging. but, i think i jump to the conclusion that just because someone is watching me doesn’t necessarily mean they are judging me. in fact, i’m the one to judge myself too harshly, for far too long before anyone even gets the chance to.

and right now, i’m at a really interesting crossroads [oy] in my life, or maybe it’s more of a wasteland…anyhow, i’m in between and i think i want to start seeing triumph differently than doing well in certain things that are deemed worthy by society, culture, whatever. i have always failed to measure up to these impossible standards so why do i keep trying? i’m looking for different standards currently. if you have any ideas let me know. i’m face first, belly flopping into an ocean of possibilities and sometimes it hurts a lot because i don’t have a yard stick to gauge my progress because the progress i’m feeling isn’t easy to measure.

triumph on any certain day could mean: getting exercise with my mom, but before that choosing to get out of bed that day. triumph could mean, enjoying a simple pleasure like coffee or reading when i feel like screaming because i’m terrible at being patient and listening to my intuition. triumph could mean learning something new. and i actually like learning so i can enjoy that triumph. breaking down triumph to what it looks like for me is certainly a lot different than what it may be for someone else…and maybe not so different. so we get to decide what triumph means to us, what form it takes in our lives.

be loved.

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