continue loving in the face of all the frustrating experiences that come and go and go and come, like a revolving door of tests meant to break me yet just seem to make me more confirmed, more steadfast in wanting to choose love over hate. because hate sucks. bitterness is not enviable and actually having a terrible attitude because i think i’ve earned it to feel this way is just stupid.
i attract what i put out there and when i am open and happy i get a LOT back in so many ways. now to just be able to remember all the positives. they say that people who are depressed have an easier time of remembering difficult and painful memories than ones that are happy and i would agree with that, even though i have far less painful memories than good ones, i feel like they can outnumber my good memories because i give them too much airspace, too much headspace.
painful memories have their place and they’ve helped make me a more empathetic person in understanding the struggles people go through but they stop being helpful the longer i dwell on them and in them. so it’s good to just let more things like that go, let them rest. like how i’m letting these baggy crotched jeans rest on me, even though i feel ridiculous when i’m wearing them, they’re super comfortable and sometimes it’s just nice to be comfortable.
and then fight the battle later. in some ways, not fighting can feel like a victory. i’m not saying i advocate for apathy just knowing when to not engage is in itself an act of war. at least for certain times and circumstances. anyhow, it’s good to be reminded to continue, to keep going. to fight the good fight of faith.