I’m feeling this overwhelming sense of well-being. of being taken care of, and being able to take care of other people. of wanting to allow myself to do both of those things. because the funny thing about depression is that it takes away that feeling of wanting to be loved and of wanting to love by immobilizing me with the grief of self. even if i don’t want it to. it’s a very selfish disease because it isolates you from the very thing that will help you which is reaching out and loving other people.
anyhow, i am enjoying the memories of being able to feel refreshed after good conversations from yesterday at my church, which i haven’t enjoyed for a while because i’ve just removed myself from it and really deprived myself of that human connection which is stupid because we all need to be able to feel like we’re a part of a community, so why do i do that? maybe, that’s a pretty common thing for people to do, out of fear or just not wanting to make the effort. but mostly out of fear. it’s nice to punch fear in the face and go make a connection.
it’s been hot and dry here for a while, i can’t say extremely because it’s only been in the high 90s which is now probably pretty mild compared to what some of the other states are going thru right now. ah global warming, maybe it’s not such a farce after all [i say that sarcastically even tho i took my time to fully absorb the information that our planet is slowly over heating]. priceless. how much i take for granted until i’m confronted with the possibility and sometimes the actual loss of it.
well i’m off to bake chocolate chip cookies and make marinara sauce. ❤