jolly

Jolly

filed under words i want to punch in the face. just know i did not wake up this salty i actually had a wonderful day planned for myself of going to go write and study and that was foiled by humanity, moving en masse to the place i was hoping to find some solitude in. oy. it is the great irony to both love and feel such a great annoyance for people at the same time.

my life is sooo hard. i can see how ridiculous i’m being but there’s no such thing as snapping myself out of it, so then i get even more upset because i don’t want to feel this way but there’s nothing i can do about it until it decides to get off of me and go to the next person. it’s like a horrible plague. or a sandstorm. i can’t see my way out of it so i just sit tight and hope it passes soon. i guess now i can understand how i spend a lot of my time reacting to how i’m feeling including feeling the feeling itself and it’s just exhausting. does anyone do this differently? how do you experience emotions on a daily basis?

i would like to just have one day where i only feel like one thing maybe just joy. for the whole day. instead of, by the time i finally come to the end of my day i could write an entire novel on how i felt 10,000 things none of which made any sense and now here i am lying awake trying to decide which one of those feelings was actually me. when they all were and i just ran out of computing space in my heart to give them all the attention they demanded of me, for every second of the day. i think this is why i’m so exhausted, but i don’t know how to change it. i can’t not feel. it’s impossible. it’s like asking someone not to breathe. i just feel it all, man. i’m too woke to feelings.

i think i don’t like the word jolly-actually that’s not true i actually do like that word. it’s warm. and jello-y. and i like jello a lot. especially orange jello. mmmm. i’m hungry still. i guess i’ll go eat some toast and try to recover the dignity i always seem to lose first thing in the morning. it’s a way of staying humble. never having any dignity. so that’s good i suppose.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “jolly

Add yours

  1. Hi, so I really love your post. I know it’s kind of a rant, but personally, I love a good rant, I do it myself sometimes, and hell, what’s the point of having a blog if you can’t blow off steam? You have a talent that I knew in another blogger many years ago, a young woman of genius IQ, who would write posts (all of them were rants, come to think of it …) but she did this magical thing where they were all really funny. Hilarious, actually. I hope that doesn’t offend you. I literally burst out laughing when I read your first sentence here.

    Yeah, emotions are overrated, maybe? Sometimes I do think to myself, “Where is the off button??” But I haven’t found it. Excellent post.

    Like

    1. 😂 thank you for taking the time to read my post. i like having visitors 😀 I do sometimes think that about emotions too but then my life would be pretty boring without them. and i agree, it’s nice to blow off some steam with writing. also, don’t get your hopes up, i’m pretty much an idiot. LOL!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑

Longreads

The best longform stories on the web

After Narcissistic Abuse

There is Light, Life & Love

Learning To Be INFP

A Journal for Pondered Things and Incessant Daydreams

White Rose Blossom

A journey of blossoming into myself

Ronald L. Lawson Ph.D., Professor Emeritus, Queens College, CUNY

Papers on Seventh-day Adventism, with some comparisons with Mormons and Witnesses

Latah Recovery Center

A Community of Peer Support

Alicia Johnston

inclusive, curious, compassionate, Christian

Nubs of Wisdom

Spiritual insights for those who feel left out.

Brittanie Pallett

Blogger | Tea Drinker | Actress

The Reluctant Retiree

Stories from Garrulous Gwendoline - a baby boomer surviving retirement

The Mad Woman in the Attic

stories of a serial expat and solo traveller

Dreaming. Living. Loving.

"Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” - Oscar Wilde

The DAWN Method

A Breakthrough in Dementia Care

The Order of the White Feather

We will never be silent again.

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

GASP@PUC

"Gay And Straight People" - an unofficial community at Pacific Union College providing supportive conversations about issues facing LGBTQ students.

Broadside

Smart and surprising

TRAVELLING THE WORLD SOLO

The ultimate guide for independent travellers seeking inspiration, advice and adventures beyond their wildest dreams

bethlovesblue

Memoir style writing from a rainy island in Alaska.

Blogger's World!

Where creativity meets passion!

THE AIRGONAUT

a journal of short fiction

Hello Hygge

Finding hygge everywhere

Hey Loons

Travel | Musings | Memoirs

Un voyage intérieur grâce à l'écriture

An inner journey through writing / Un viaggio interiore attraverso la scrittura

Song of the Lark

Music, melodies, mutterings

Valerie Leroy Photography

Explore Everything

Discover

A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

Expedition Overlanding Nomadic Adventures

“My passion for travel, writing, backpacking, and photography starts here.”

The Daily Post

The Art and Craft of Blogging

It's All in Finding the Right Words

The Eternal Search to Find One's Self: Flash Fiction and Beyond

lifelessons - a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown

Reflections on Life through poetry, essays and photos

Scribbles@Arpita

Arpita Pramanick ~ Author & Blogger

The Cat Chronicles

Welcome to the Feline World of Nera, Tabby and Fluffy

Estelea's Blog

French proud Mum and wife, restless explorer and doer freshly landed in Hanoi. One Attila in each arm, I am exploring the “kids friendly” corners of the region, while trying to keep some room for Me.

Logical Quotes

dreams from a musing life enthusiast

Barbara Pyett

Sharing thoughts via writing

42

Squamous Unutterable Horrific Lovely Eldritch Nameless Life

TRAVELLING SWALLOW

a compendium of experiences

ginger-snapped

a redhead's adventures in food photography & styling

What I Pic

Photography, music, and everything else.

inspireconnections

Reflections on Leading & Learning

The Seekers' Portal

Lifelong Learning + Personal Growth = Legacy

%d bloggers like this: